the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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