My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
