I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
