I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
