just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
