You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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