Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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