I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
