a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
