if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
3pm strippers are depressing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
