fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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