nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
