I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
