you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
