are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
