Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
