um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
it was like eating out sand paper
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
