You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
