hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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