I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
