Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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