at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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