Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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