I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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