Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
