yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
