im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
meet me or not, i'm out of control
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
