I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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