So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
