question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
