i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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