Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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