if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
