I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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