hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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