chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
