So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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