Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
