shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
