never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
