very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
