By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
