So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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