I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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