I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
