Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i will never coherently bang her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
