So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she told me i tasted like america
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
