I think my vagina is haunted
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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