rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize