Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
